In ancient times gays were referred to as "pandakas "(shown here in modern India at a gay rights parade). "Pandaka "("eunuch") did not mean "gay" in the Buddha's time, but gay was included in the category as deviancy. Today eunuchs, gays, and satyrs are imagined to be cross-dressing, gender-bending deviants, even as men in heterosexual marriages are involved with them. Sex with such deviants seems to be the prerogative of normative men. And that -- then as now -- seems to somehow make it okay.
The normative men are not condemned and do not call themselves "bisexual" for their activity; instead, they are still viewed, and view themselves, as masculine and dominant in spite of their homosexual conduct (usually wrapped up with cheating on their wives). Maybe that's why this sexual conduct is called misconduct. Whatever the case, gays are despised as well as discounted, even while being utilized like young men in a Greek gymnasium.
And conservative Buddhist countries in general do not let the religion stand in the way of the social behavior even as it dictates the norms and mores. (Like old Europe, people take their cues from monastics and monastic tradition and try to live as close to that as possible). There may be a great deal of bi- and homosexual ideation and behavior. But to accept it would feel like monks were openly allowing it in their midst since it is often lay Buddhists keeping monks in line, if only due to their high expectations and idealistic regard.
Traveling in Thailand, I met a young British woman living there. She was a Jewish lesbian who spoke Thai and lived with a family. She held hands, hugged, and was frequently hugged by the Thai women in the house/business of the Buddhist family she had ingratiated herself in. When I suggested telling them she was a lesbian, she was terrified they find out. I asked about all the hugging, which she said was innocent and explained that it would all be lost if they knew. I was surprised they didn't know or that, as Thais, they would have a problem with it given all the ladyboys and mangirls around. But they would, they certainly would, she explained.
Thailand, with its legendary "kathoeys" (flaming "lady-boys," actual transsexuals and simple cross-dressers), uncomfortably accepts and even celebrates its third-gender with national beauty contests. But this sexual phenomenon is not limited to Thailand. It is present in Burma, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos, China, and (ancient and modern) India. It's probably present in every country in the world, with each country proudly proclaiming, "That doesn't exist here!"
Recent reports of its prevalence in hyper-masculine Afghanistan (a formerly Buddhist country) and the mixed-message U.S. military (where annually 10% of the recruits are homosexually raped by American soldiers) suggest it is practiced here. And it's a dirty little secret bisexual men do not want to let out of the bag, even as it perpetuates a miserable condition for non-normative individuals. As Americans -- the fashion-forward, hegemonic dictators of the world -- we've learned to love gays, at least of the lesbian variety. Or not. But I think we can all agree that the whole world can do without the hypocrisy, secrecy, and double standard.
Should gays marry? Whatever. Is it sexual misconduct? It may be. But what is and what is not "misconduct" has to have something to do with local norms and customs. And as our traditions change to accommodate homosexuality, the world is not really doing anything that hasn't been done before (gays have a hidden place in society) -- other than calling it what it is and accepting it.
by Jacquelyn Martin
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